Reserve Parachute

There is nothing new going on at this point in the deployment. Things are very very routine now. This is the point in the deployment where it is what you make of it. You can squander time away waiting for the next day and the next day until the deployment ends. Or you can make the most of each moment.

I know that my experience here is much different than most of the soldiers' experience. They are out kicking doors in and supporting those who do. I have often described my job to those soldiers that see me sitting while reading on the front porch "doing nothing" as being a reserve parachute. I remind them that the soldiers' reserve parachute is hardly ever used, but when it is, it always saves your life.

Immigration and Friendship

There has been much bitter debate recently concerning this temporary ban on immigration from 7 countries that President Trump signed by executive order. I have even lost a friend over the issue after he told me to seek counseling because I clearly was not thinking right to hold the opinions I held. He then insinuated my thoughts must be clouded by PTSD. Yes he did fit the stereotype of a young professional in Los Angeles in the acting business. So what should I expect? But is was sad. It was sad because we went to the same church in junior high and in high school. He had been out to our ranch and been friends with the family for a long time. And then, just like that, he told me he didn’t want to dialogue with me on any topic or in any medium. I have been thinking about his last post all day. Fortunately, I have the time to think about it (normally if this happened back home, my life is too busy to allow myself to dwell on things, and I just cut weight and move on….right or wrong that’s what I do…..I know that is horrible).

Some of the things floating around in my mind are: was it so important to convey what I thought was truth, that it caused the relationship to fracture? Does the perception of “friendship” sustained by cyber stocking “friends” out of curiosity even constitute real friendship? What is the Christian response to the immigration crisis? Is the world coming to an end?

Now I know I have a penchant for worst case scenario stuff, so I will let the “is the world coming to an end” question have a by and not consider it now.

Instead I will address some of the others. I think one of the keystone questions is the second, “Does the perception of “friendship” sustained by cyber stocking “friends” out of curiosity even constitute real friendship”. Friendships are very complex. They require time and attention. They require love, compassion, empathy, and commitment. Interestingly facebook does not make those prerequisites before you “friend” someone. In truth Facebook is bastardizing the term friend and cheapening it to the point of meaninglessness. In my scenario, I was hurt because at one time we had been friends, and through facebook, the illusion that we were still friends created the sense of friendship. But was it friendship? I don’t know. What if I see him again? Will I not be kind and try to pick up where we left off (last time I saw him was at my friend Jason Ofner’s wedding in Hawaii). I imagine so. But what about him? I can’t control how he will respond. And he clearly doesn’t want me to contact him any more….he made that extremely clear. So I am left still with the question of, “What is a cyber friendship?”

It is a peculiar thing. Some people have lost marriages over cyber friendships. Those friendships lead to physical friendships. And then on and on, or down and down. And I guess right now I don’t even really care to define what a cyber friendship is, because I have already determined that it is definitely not an actual friendship, but it can carry trappings of actual friendship along with emotional baggage if you get “un-friended”, or at least it did for me. Now, there are plenty of people that I am cyber friends with that I wouldn’t care at all if they unfriended me. But this situation did sting a bit. But now on to the “why” of my un-friending.

What to do about the immigration crisis? I read an article by a Wheaton grad in the Huffington post about what a Biblical response to the crisis should be… the link is here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-immigration-ban-and-the-refugee-crisis-a-bible_us_588ec859e4b0de286b25750e

I felt like it was a classic Christendom response: Give a few verses that support a presupposition and voila, It is unbiblical to put a 90 day suspense on immigration from 7 countries.

There is no doubt that I am failing at living out the great commission. There is no doubt that I am failing living our Matthew 25. There is no doubt that I do not love my neighbor as much as myself. I am failing, failing, failing. Jesus told me unless you sell everything and give it to the poor and follow me, you are not worthy of the kingdom of God. And he is right! Amen! Hallelujah! I am an utter failure. So this immigration thing is just one more thing that I am failing at. But I cling like leech to flesh to Romans 8:1 “Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” and Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life”, and John 3:5 “ Truly, truly, I say unto you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.” To me, there is nothing I can do to be good enough. Likewise, there is no amount of bad that I do that his grace cannot overcome. But the operator, life giver, redeemer, is Him….not me. I can go down to a river and say all the good things I need to say before man and dunk myself underwater and look like a good person, but if I am not “born of the Spirit” too, I am nothing. Just as in Matthew 25, the guys that were good but God cast them out…. they were not born of the Spirit. So how do I get “born of the Spirit”? That is up to God. Again, I cannot do it to myself or make myself good enough for the Spirit to live in me. If God wants me to be born of the Spirit, I will be born of the Spirit. I have no more control than an actual baby has control over his being born. Just like a baby, you are either born or you’re not. And the only way to know the difference is to start living. And if you live, you were born.

So how the heck does this all apply to immigration? Well like this…. Yes, you need to love your neighbor. So the natural question that follows is: Do you? Do you love your neighbor? It is so easy to post strong opinions on the internet about how Christians should not support Trump because he is banning Muslims. And that banning Muslims is wrong and not loving. But I have already confessed to the fact that I suck at loving anyone besides myself. So what about you…. oh righteous ones that are soooo filled with political love for Muslims that are getting a 90 day temporary hold on Visas do you love your neighbor. I mean the one who lives across the street from you. The one next door to you. The one in the cubical next to yours. Do you even know their names? Would you even know how to ask if they were to need something? Would they come to your house to ask because you have made it so obviously clear that you care about them? Or do you, just like me….pine away at your keyboard and solve all the world’s problems from your LCD screen? Oh if the world would only see things your way….then we would live in a utopia. It is time to Love our neighbor. That’s what Jesus said, so start doing it Eric. Then you can worry about the people millions of miles away from you.




Dang…. I thought I was all done and was proud of myself, then I started thinking of all the ways people could criticize this. One : its too simplistic…… if you just act locally and are not involved with the political process, then Nazis will take over and send you to the gas chamber. Well I guess that could happen. But the questions I have are these: 1- did I exercise my right and vote (yes). 2- do I see atrocities being committed (well not by the current administration…..just by Muslims in Afghanistan). 3- when would I consider civil disobedience (hmm that’s a hard one because the Bible basically says how the end will go, and it’s not going to be pretty….so, ….. is fighting going to postpone the inevitable?) So overall I think I am OK with not flying to JFK and protesting…. especially because there are many people who need to be loved right where I am.

Two: your view is pretty fatalistic: I guess it kinda is. I won’t pretend to know the answer to the predestination vs free will thing. But I do know that Jesus said to love others and I try but I suck at it. And even Paul said he was bad at it and called himself the worst of sinners. And Peter pretty much sucked at it and disowned Jesus. And King David sucked at it and slept with his neighbors wife and then had him killed. So if they can try and then fail, so shall I try and also fail. And the result will be the same. I am condemned to die and only by God’s grace through the free Gift of Jesus Christ do I have eternal life.


Now I am going to bed.... Thank you Jesus for all that you have done for me. Please be with my Wife and children as they are at home. Please help my Wife study hard and do well on her upcoming test. Please let my children be a joy to you. Let them grow in the knowledge and understanding of your Word. And that your Word would be written on their hearts. Please encourage my wife and strengthen her to meet the challenges You place before her. Protect them from the evil one and lead them not into temptation. Thank you for all you have done for me. Thank you for my family (Dad, Mom, Brother, and Sister and their spouses) Please be with each of them and bring them the Joy of the Lord to be their strength. In Jesus Name. Amen

Moments

Missing home. Thankful for a good unit and command.

Tired of ILE. Glad to have my own space.

It rained all night.Brisk cloudy and wet outside, but thankfully not dusty. Good visibility. Muddy. Glad for electricity. Don’t feel like running today, but feel lazy for not running.

Thankful for hot coffee. That is all.

Simple Times

There are a few things that are unique to deployment that I have found over my last several. This evening I was reflecting on how simple life can be on deployment. Now I don't mean simple as in "easy", but rather as in "not complicated". I know this only to be true to my role as a surgeon prepared and waiting for my expertise to be employed. Many other soldiers here have vastly different experiences and would hardly classify their deployments as simple. But for me life here is simple. I have one purpose, to prepare myself and my team to take care of the injured. Now that purpose has many manifestations: training my medics, upkeep of the FST physical structure, checking equipment, and checking refrigerator temperatures for blood products. But all of these things are singular in focus for one mission objective - take care of the injured. But there are other things that some would consider intolerable that actually help simplify life here, namely the austerity. There are very few options here. There is no time spent standing in front of a full pantry wondering what I "really" feel in the "mood" to eat. Likewise the closets aren't full of choices of clothes to wear. There is no determining where you will go or how you will get there or when you need to fill up the gas tank. You will always be with the team on the FOB. And if that FOB happens to be only 200 meters by 200 meters, then there is not much decision of where you will be at all. (Its like a kid deciding where in the classroom he wants to sit). And the list of stripped away complexity goes on and on. All of this simplicity by many is interpreted as suffocating and intolerable. Those people are very unhappy. The byproduct of this simple or austere lifestyle is time... the most precious commodity. I was reminded this week with some somber news about a family friend that time is never a guarantee. Some people who seem to have plenty of time get none and those that seem on deaths door occasionally get more than expected. What am I doing with my time? Am I loving my wife, kids, family..... God? Often, I find myself not even thinking about how I am spending my time. Like someone running through a mall and just sliding my credit card through random credit card readers while not even thinking on what I am actually spending my money. The only reason that I am able to take time now and ponder on all this is because of the forced simplicity that I am living right now. And while my life is increasingly simple, my wife's life is increasingly complex. And all this time here just adds to the debt that I already owe her for the 3 other deployments where the same happened. Meanwhile, the kids are growing. They are getting bigger every day. Each day I pray that God would guide them toward himself and that His Word would be written in their hearts. Before I left, my 3 y.o. son told me after having been spanked and put in his room for open defiance of his mom and dad, that he talked to Jesus and Jesus would make him feel better. My heart burst open! My Savior loves my son. He loves all my kids! In the afternoon and evenings here, after getting ILE (Intermediate Level Education for the Command and General Staff College) stuff done, I have been reading the book Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas, while drinking hot cider (thanks for the cider mix) and listening to classical music. I thoroughly enjoy that experience! Not only is it a great book about a great man, but I also get TIME to reflect on my life and my life's purpose. I think about how I fit into my family and my extended family. I think about lost opportunities for connection and strategies for regaining those connections. And in those moments I also recognize my own failings. I realize I don't pray enough, or read the scripture enough or meditate on them enough. Those are the things that will keep me on course and help me navigate through difficult times to come. If I am granted the blessing of time to come.

One More Time Into the Fray 2016-2017

Well, here I go again. One more Christmas and New Years in Afghanistan. This will be my first deployment to a region I have already been. However I am sure that things will be much different. 5 years ago, I was over here and now I am back. The process of getting here was familiar as ever, but I had blocked out some of the more unpleasant aspects of preparing and then leaving. The two hardest things were the packing the night before leaving knowing that these were the last hours I could spend with my beloved wife. All we both wanted to do was pause time and allow us to celebrate our anniversary without a deployment hanging over us. So instead we drank champagne while I packed my duffle bags. Happy Anniversay....

I had clearly forgotten how long the flights to get to the Middle East were. That was completely blocked from my memory. However it is strange how I could dislike something so much yet find comfort in the familiarity of it once it was again experienced. For many of my travel companions, this was their first deployment. These were all new bewildering experiences that were contently disrupting any sense of normalcy that one may have had, like waves crashing against a poor soul struggling to get up and out of the ocean surf. But for me, the comfort of knowing what to expect (even if it was knowing to expect suckville) and the assurance of knowing that God had me at the center of his hand, allowed a relatively smooth and even fun transition to deployment. At times I even felt like a tour guide..... "and now ladies and gentlemen, in a few minutes we will stop and off load all our gear for no apparent reason just to load it back on again for some reason.... happens every time....oh yeah and there are no bathrooms at this stop so please pee in a bottle or hold it." At least I knew what to expect and it helped others not get so bent out of shape when those ridiculous things came. And I was very pleasantly surprised when for the first time in all my trips we stopped in Ireland! I had heard many of my friends talk about stopping there, but I had never experienced it before. And now .... at 3 am, we were in Ireland. So cool! Even if all I saw was the airport. It was so neat to hear their accents and fortunately there are some pretty cool pub owners in the airport that kept there place open all night for us.... which is where I had the best burger I have ever tasted in my life..... it even had a fried egg on it and some sort of sweet jam and sizzling bacon....oh so good!

The one rookie mistake that I made was forgetting my power converters....darn those European plugs.... fortunately some of my battle buddies remembered theirs and I powered up all my devices for the next 6 hour leg.... ugh. From there it was on to Kuwait and then another flight to Afghanistan and a few days wait in a major city before taking a puddle jumper to my new home. see the pic from my puddle jumping window....

The further and further I went out, the more body armor I noticed everyone wearing...we are definitely not in Kansas anymore Toto. At this phase it began to sink in that we are really still at war. And guys are really fighting and bleeding and dying for the cause. And it is my job to make sure the latter two are stopped short. Then after a week of travel the day before Christmas eve me and my ortho buddy arrived at our new home...

And met our new team, facilities, and a few interesting people....

The we learned that inorder to get into the DFAC (Dinning facility) you have to do pull ups...

And that the only place to "do you duty" was ....

.... I literally had to stop someone from going in just so I could snap the picture. But all in all I is a great place and has a nice gym and obviously internet connection (since I am able to continue this blog). So on Christmas the guys of my FST tried to make it as much like home and they cooked gingerbread pancakes and bacon....the XO is an awesome cook from New England....

So that's about it for now..... I will leave you with just a funny story that happened to me today in the gym. Every day I run about 3 miles to try to stay in as good of shape as the warfighters out here....each of them is like a college athelete! When they aren't on a mission, they are either eating sleeping or in the gym. So anyway, here I am in the gym running with these guys. And they like tough-guy music....Metallica, SlipKnot, Alice in Chains....etc. So we are all in there together tough music playing and heavy lifting of weights and the whole bit..... and as I am running and listening to my music, I smile and laugh a little cause they can't hear what I am listening too in my earphones.... I know that everyone assumes I too am listening to tough guy music. Little do they know that I am jamming out on my 5th mile to Amy Grant's "Lucky One". Well, that's it for now from Helmand.....