Simple Times

There are a few things that are unique to deployment that I have found over my last several. This evening I was reflecting on how simple life can be on deployment. Now I don't mean simple as in "easy", but rather as in "not complicated". I know this only to be true to my role as a surgeon prepared and waiting for my expertise to be employed. Many other soldiers here have vastly different experiences and would hardly classify their deployments as simple. But for me life here is simple. I have one purpose, to prepare myself and my team to take care of the injured. Now that purpose has many manifestations: training my medics, upkeep of the FST physical structure, checking equipment, and checking refrigerator temperatures for blood products. But all of these things are singular in focus for one mission objective - take care of the injured. But there are other things that some would consider intolerable that actually help simplify life here, namely the austerity. There are very few options here. There is no time spent standing in front of a full pantry wondering what I "really" feel in the "mood" to eat. Likewise the closets aren't full of choices of clothes to wear. There is no determining where you will go or how you will get there or when you need to fill up the gas tank. You will always be with the team on the FOB. And if that FOB happens to be only 200 meters by 200 meters, then there is not much decision of where you will be at all. (Its like a kid deciding where in the classroom he wants to sit). And the list of stripped away complexity goes on and on. All of this simplicity by many is interpreted as suffocating and intolerable. Those people are very unhappy. The byproduct of this simple or austere lifestyle is time... the most precious commodity. I was reminded this week with some somber news about a family friend that time is never a guarantee. Some people who seem to have plenty of time get none and those that seem on deaths door occasionally get more than expected. What am I doing with my time? Am I loving my wife, kids, family..... God? Often, I find myself not even thinking about how I am spending my time. Like someone running through a mall and just sliding my credit card through random credit card readers while not even thinking on what I am actually spending my money. The only reason that I am able to take time now and ponder on all this is because of the forced simplicity that I am living right now. And while my life is increasingly simple, my wife's life is increasingly complex. And all this time here just adds to the debt that I already owe her for the 3 other deployments where the same happened. Meanwhile, the kids are growing. They are getting bigger every day. Each day I pray that God would guide them toward himself and that His Word would be written in their hearts. Before I left, my 3 y.o. son told me after having been spanked and put in his room for open defiance of his mom and dad, that he talked to Jesus and Jesus would make him feel better. My heart burst open! My Savior loves my son. He loves all my kids! In the afternoon and evenings here, after getting ILE (Intermediate Level Education for the Command and General Staff College) stuff done, I have been reading the book Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas, while drinking hot cider (thanks for the cider mix) and listening to classical music. I thoroughly enjoy that experience! Not only is it a great book about a great man, but I also get TIME to reflect on my life and my life's purpose. I think about how I fit into my family and my extended family. I think about lost opportunities for connection and strategies for regaining those connections. And in those moments I also recognize my own failings. I realize I don't pray enough, or read the scripture enough or meditate on them enough. Those are the things that will keep me on course and help me navigate through difficult times to come. If I am granted the blessing of time to come.